5 red flags in friendship I’ve wished I knew sooner.

Last Updated on: 22nd January 2025, 03:44 pm

Our Friends can be the most incredible people we’ve ever met — or our worst enemies. And sometimes, we’re not even aware of it. I’ve been there, and looking back, I realized there had been signs all along. Here are 5 red flags in friendship I’ve wished I knew sooner.

See also: 31 Life Lessons I’ve Learned at 31 Years Old

5 red flags in friendship I’ve wished I knew sooner.

1. Giving you consistent backhanded compliments

There’s this ex-friend who used to be my officemate, who I thought was genuinely kind. Until one day, I mentioned that I was invited for an interview for an art director position. Instead of congratulating me, she said, “Oh, it’s because you’re pretty—that’s why they want to interview you.”

I brushed it off, thinking it’s just a joke. A few days later, I got interviewed but, unfortunately, didn’t land the job. When she asked if I got the position and I said no, she actually laughed and said, “See? I told you—it’s hard to imagine you as an art director. They only considered you because you’re pretty.” This threw me off, and since then, I’ve been extra cautious around her. The crazy part? This wasn’t even the first time she hit me with a backhanded compliment. It made me realize that you’ve got to watch out for those so-called “friends” who are really just frenemies in disguise. These people are only friends with you because they secretly keep tabs on you, which is usually a sign of secret animosity or envy.

2. You can’t be yourself around them.

When I landed my first job, I quickly became friends with the other newbies in the office. At first, they seemed nice—friendly, even. But over time, the cracks in their facade started to show. They’d poke fun at my hobbies, and I often found myself being the butt of the jokes. They’d laugh it off, saying, “It’s just a joke!” What’s worse is whenever I called them out, they’d get defensive, take it personally, and start leaving me out of their hangouts to punish me for “offending” them.

It was tough. They were my only friend group in the office, and realizing they were toxic hit me hard. I’ve always valued authenticity in friendships, and honestly, what’s the point of being around people if you can’t be your true self? A friend group should feel like a safe space—a place where you’re accepted for who you are. If it doesn’t feel like that, trust me, it’s time to cut them off- they will just tear you down.

3. They don’t respect your boundaries.

I used to be a total people-pleaser, especially when it comes to my friends. But here’s the hard truth: if you keep letting your friends overstep your boundaries, the moment you finally say “no,” they’ll cut you off without hesitation.

That’s exactly what happened with my ex-best friend. I ignored so many red flags because she was my best friend. Things came to a head when I caught her boyfriend cheating and, of course, told her about it. She forgave him (her choice, I get it), but then she wanted to bring him to our hangouts like nothing happened. That was my breaking point.

Knowing what he did, I told her I couldn’t accept him in our friend group. She didn’t take it well—and just like that, she ended our friendship. Lesson learned: set boundaries early, and don’t ignore the signs. True friends will respect you, not abandon you for standing your ground.

4. Love Bombing

You thought this only exists in romantic relationships? Definitely not. I’ve been a victim of this, and unfortunately, I didn’t catch it until later on. It’s ironic that I easily caught this when it comes to dating guys, but not in my previous friendships. Some of my ex-friends did this. They’d compliment me daily—praising my outfits, saying how lucky they were to have me as a friend, and more. Some even went all out with surprise birthday celebrations! Little did I know it was all for a show. They were gossiping about me, and one of them even threw me under the bus the moment I set boundaries in our friendship.

Here’s the thing: love bombing isn’t just about over-the-top affection—it’s a facade, a manipulation tactic to get away with things. So, stay alert and protect your energy. Not every “sweet” friend has pure intentions!

5. Secretly Jealous of You

In the past, recognizing this kind of behavior wasn’t easy for me. I’ve always believed I had good intuition, but I tended to dismiss it—especially when it came to my friends. After all, why would someone I trust and care about be jealous of me?

There was one friend in particular who seemed genuinely kind at first. But over time, subtle red flags began to appear. Whenever I shared my achievements, she’d downplay them, saying things like I was just “lucky” or “privileged” compared to her. I tried to be understanding but then came the backhanded compliments and snide remarks about my outfit or appearance. At first, I thought she was just being honest—until she started copying my fashion!

Things escalated when I called her out on some of her behavior. She would get defensive, take everything personally, and eventually began to distance herself. That’s when I found out she had been backstabbing me all along. Realizing her actions stemmed from jealousy, I decided to cut her off completely.

Here’s the lesson: beware of people who smile at you while secretly wishing for your downfall. A true friend will celebrate your success—they won’t resent it.

Although I’ve cut ties with these toxic friends, I can’t deny that the trauma they left is still with me. The emotional scars have made me more cautious and selective about who I allow into my inner circle. On the other hand, I see it as a blessing in disguise. Knowing these 5 red flags in friendship helped me identify my true friends—the ones who have always stood by me through thick and thin.

This journey taught me a very important lesson: setting boundaries and standing firm in our values is a powerful act of self-respect. It’s a strength that no one—not even my friends or loved ones—can undermine.