Why?

In case you didn’t know, I’m a huge SONE (SNSD fan) and just recently, Kim Taeyeon released her newest single ‘Why’ and for the first time i heard it, like other SNSD songs and her previous single ” I”, I was hooked already 🙂 I loved the MV, the beat of the song and the cute and quite sad storyline in the MV, but after knowing its English lyrics, it officially became the theme song of my life right now.

The lyrics is about escaping the mundane routine of everyday life, while at the same time being unable to get away from it. It seems that the song is composed for me, well, that’s how I feel. It really matches what I’m experiencing right now – I want to escape from my current work, but I can’t.

Already, already in front of my eyes, it glimmers, glimmers but I hesitate, why

And then i thought to myself, why do i hesitate to chase my dreams? Is it because I’m afraid? or just too lazy to transfer ? or I’m still giving myself a chance to love my work right now.

They said that life in your 20’s is the most confusing and difficult stage, because you need to make a tough decision for yourself and its hard to go back- because you’re already an adult and everyone will expect a lot from you. And yes, they’re right. I’m really confused right now, and I realized that I didn’t yet know what I really want- well I just want to be successful, but in what kind of field? I’m thinking twice in corporate world, but I want in the field of art. But where do I start?

Until then I remembered my mother’s advice to me a long long time ago. She told me that sometimes, we set goals for ourselves but in the end, if its not meant for you, it won’t happen. It’s good to set goals, to plan for yourself, but don’t expect too much. Me and you father have been there, and look at us now. We didn’t get the things we originally wanted- I wanted to be nurse back then but we are not that rich and your grandmother is having a hard time raising the four of us- it also goes the same as your father. He wanted to be an architect, but then they can’t afford to study in a huge school. But look at us now, we are happy. Why? because we learned to love our jobs as bankers and I believed that this is we are really meant to be. 

I nearly cried in the end, thinking that my dream to work in an art- related field won’t happen but then, my mother told me to be patient- to accept what I have right now, and be thankful that I have job, because there are many people out there who want to be in my shoes. I cannot disagree with her in that.

But then she told me that life is full of wonders, and she told me to grab every opportunity- because its better if you tried than letting it pass. “just be patient dear. take your time, and always remember to be happy. Do what makes you happy. If you think you have already enough experience in you work, you can transfer and then do everything you want- enroll in art class, anything. Just remember to be careful and always take your time- you’re young and you have so much to learn.”

And yes, indeed I still have so much to learn, and I want to make sure that before I transfer to another job and do what I really want, I must be ready. I still feel that I don’t have enough experience,although I’m already looking for a company to transfer to.

Well, I guess I just need to enjoy what I have right now and work hard. My mother is right – I’m still young and just starting. A butterfly didn’t start as butterfly- it was a caterpillar first. A tree didn’t just grow the moment it was planted- it was a tiny seed first. And i think I’m still a tiny seed and a caterpillar- I will face many, many challenges before I reach my dream, the butterfly stage.

That song made me ponder about my life and I’m really happy about it 🙂 check out the MV of Why below and get amazed- ” Taeyeon is really the epitome of perfection I caaaan’t”