Why I Can’t Break Free
Last Updated on: 27th March 2021, 11:38 am
During my 6 months tasting the corporate life, I can’t totally say that it has been delicious nor bitter. It has full of ups and downs, and sadly, I can’t still find a true friend. I’m beginning to feel that I’m losing myself and I was just being plastic with them because I was just showing about 20% of me to them. And I can’t say that 20% are all real and organic because apparently, the personality that I show to them has layers.
- Why It’s difficult.
I’ve always known since the beginning that I’m an introvert, although my friends and some people think otherwise. I tend to be a loner sometimes- not because I hate people, but because I feel that not all of them can understand nor accept me. I’ll be honest with you guys, I’m having difficulty mingling and trusting my officemates, and I was hanging out with them just because ” it’s necessary,” and I don’t want my manager to think that I’m pushing them out.
- They seem similar to me yet different.
The “clique” that I’ve been hanging out with lately seems to share the same interests with me, however, their personalities are way too different to me.
- I don’t like my Job.
I think this is also why I can’t fit in with my officemates because I don’t like my job. I hate paperwork and too much responsibility- being an admin assistant is not an easy task. I’m the center of the division, and let’s say I’m the boss when my manager’s not around. When I did something wrong, it doesn’t affect me but the whole division– which makes it even worse. You can say that I’m a bit pessimist, oh yes, it is, but I’m saying the truth. It’s quite ironic that I’m saying this because I will be a permanent employee soon- but I was thinking about resigning after my one-year anniversary in the company.
- They keep on talking about romance and relationships, it’s quite annoying SRSLY.
This makes me more disappointed, I mean can we talk about other things aside from this one? I’m not bitter, it’s just that they keep on talking about their boyfriends, they keep on telling me why I don’t have a boyfriend since birth and I should find one in the office, like WTF please just shut up. I CAME TO WORK HERE, not to date! There’s more to life than having a boyfriend, for goddamn sake.
- I don’t get their humor.
Their humor is all about making fun of me. At first, I thought of it as a joke, but as time goes by, it’s beginning to irritate me because it’s getting a little personal, and I’m beginning to become uncomfortable with them. It gets to the point that I make excuses when they invite me to dinner etc. because I don’t trust them. I’ll be honest; I was 90% lying to them about everything. It feels shit, really.
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I’m already tired of trying my best to fit in, but then I realized that If they don’t like me, then that’s their problem, not mine. Maybe right now, I’ll just focus on my job and hope that someday, I’ll find true friends like my high school and college friends. I want to be accepted. I want to break free.
